9 Ways To Combat Fear in Children

Fear gets to the best of us... fear of failure, fear of what if… even fear of fear itself. 

All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a stumbling block that holds us back from enjoying certain experiences.  It can be especially hard to watch our child fearful...

However fear can’t hold you back if you don’t let it and we can support our children to begin to realise this too...  There are several ways to overcome fear, here are 9 that you can try today:

1. SEPARATE REALITY FROM PERCEPTION - Get them to ask themself what is really going on, locate the facts and place them over feelings.  If it is a new place that the child hasn’t been to before, you can visit beforehand or show pictures of what it may look like or be like.  You can talk through what they think it might be like and show them what it is like and what may be expected of them.

2. IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER - Figure out what it is in a situation that triggers them. Learning to identify it will help you and them to learn to combat it.  Maybe it’s the number of people that will be there?  The noise level? The unknown?   whatever it is the following steps can help shift through the trigger. 

3. KNOW WHERE FEAR LIVES IN YOUR BODY - A lot of times, fear takes over physically. It affects different people in different ways. Identify how it affects their physical body and do the work to help them take care of their body in those moments. Ex: if it’s that they hold their breath in these moments, learn how to breathe through things in a time of relax.  If they get butterflies in their tummy as a first signal, help them find a way to feel through that… if the stress is felt in the back, there are stretches, foam rolling options, etc to help work through the pain.

4. PRACTICE GRATITUDE - Every day, or as often as possible, whether it be driving to school or home from school, whether it’s Sunday evening dinner or a moment together, speak about 1-3 things you are each thankful for. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, gratitude helps shift the mind into a positive light, which over time, overcomes fear.

5. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE - Monitor your inner conversations. You can share with your children that if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths.   This can be something our neurodiverse kids get into a cycle of… being quite hard on themselves, so helping them to become clear on their inner dialogue helps a lot and helping them view their strengths - finding ways they can expand these. 

6. CREATE A NEW ASSOCIATION - Remind yourself that the feeling and the moment will pass. Focus on the positive outcome of the situation, rather than the scary in between.  Reflection after an event can be really helpful, also prior to the next event reminding them of successful times of similar experiences.

7. LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL - Perception is a very powerful thing, and how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. To think positively is easier said than done… Because a mind-shift won’t happen overnight; so I offer for you to practice with just one thought.  What is one recurring negative/fearful thought your child has? Help them to work on reversing this one thought. Over time, it can become a habit.

8. CALM YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM - Breathing helps center the body; when you stop breathing, your heart stops beating. You can encourage your child to do a grounding exercise like walking on the grass in bare feet (if they like the feeling), or just walk outside in nature… Even just take a few deep, long breaths at any point to calm and center themself. It is amazing to start the day with this, or practice at times throughout the day. You can also try pressure points on the temples or between the eyebrows, this really helps bring the body back to calm. 

9. CREATE A SAFE SPACE - When you feel safe and secure, there is no room for fear. Find somewhere safe your child can retreat to when big feelings begin - whether this is a real place like their bedroom or a place in their mind that feels good to them like the beach or a forest. This sense of comfort will soothe their system and allow them to move through any fears from a calmer space (with help from you).

Please keep in mind, these are just 9 strategies, not everything works for everyone. This is a starting place. Start implementing these techniques into your child's daily life and hopefully you will find a shift in their approach to situations.  It takes lots of practice and trial/error.  

Supporting Your Inner Confidence as a Advocate for your Child

I've been coaching for a few years now, and one of the things I've learned - both for me personally and for my clients - is that inner confidence is essential to being heard and seen, especially when supporting your neurodiverse child at meetings and in moments of advocacy for them. 

Clear communication is the key to being heard… but knowing what is most important to you to communicate can be hard to articulate.

There are all kinds of strategies, different ways of thinking, multiple patterns of behaviour, that come into play in our communication and there are some really practical tips out there for improving our communication, our relationships with others, and also ways to feel better about ourself, but if the foundation isn't there… we struggle to have these tools work for us.  

That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down, the you that you may have forgotten, suppressed or shifted due to circumstances…. and the trick is that it takes confidence to find that part you again, to bring out who you truly are – so here are a couple of ways to rediscover your inner confidence.

Get To Know Your Values

Personal values are a big passion that I have, I can get carried away when I talk about them, I weave them through my sessions with clients because I know the value of values…  I’ve seen the magic that happens when a family truly understands each other – values are one of the most important things you can know about ‘yourself’, about your ‘child’ and about your ‘partner in parenting’… 

They are also vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Knowing your values (at the very core of who you are); means you will deeply understand yourself.  

A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, goals, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.

Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? - It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or subdued – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. 

You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, incredible or joyess? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.

Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they are available to you at all times just waiting for you to notice and use them. 

When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It sounds so simple right?... I can help you learn how… it feels amazing when we are living alongside our values, because we are allowing ourselves to be ‘real’ in the world.

Exercise Your Confidence Muscle

Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle, you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. 

How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.

It is the same with your confidence muscle. 

So let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t like taking risks, you are going about the day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, yet not really stretching yourself. 

You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ 

Living within what you know and what keeps you safe and comfortable. The fewer risks you take, the less confident you need to be and so the less confident you become.

To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. 

You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. 

You know your child best… some days it may not seem like it, yet when you meet with a school or similar, you have the knowledge of your child’s needs, the more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop.

That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"

• Set a meeting to discuss your child's needs at school? 

• Meet with your co-parent and talk about what your child is needing within each home? 

• Talk to extended family about why it is, as a family you do it the way you do and help them better understand your child? 

As Maya Angelou says … “When you know better, you do better”

... we need to educate our child’s village on what it is they need for support so that everyone can do better for them. 

Walking beside you, Kylie  

If you want more information about different learning differences click here

The cleansing gift of tears

This week has been a tough one, our son has been completely off and we haven’t had a week like this for quite a while.

Upon reflection, I hadn’t prepared myself enough and needed to make sure my own needs were met way better than they were.

Thursday evening angry, resentful and unappreciated mummy came out, she hasn’t appeared for a very long time - because I’ve done so much work to become really good at recognising what is happening for me, for meeting my own needs.

This week, however, I self sacrificed, I put myself last, I said yes to things I knew I should not have agreed to. I knew better…. but because I hadn’t met my own needs this week (no one else job but mine)… Angry, resentful & unappreciated mummy came out in force, she opened the flood gates of unconsciousness. “Noone does anything around here, why am I the only one who puts anything away, gets anything ready” “I’d love to leave to go work too, yes I’d love to be able to leave in the morning and come home to a cooked meal, clean house and sorted children” … the list went on and on … the flurry continued in an unconscious flow as my family looked at me as if I was from another planet and had two heads.

I lost all sense of logic and calm, My normal mindfulness & gratitude practise went out the window… I couldn’t see how this was anyone but their fault… I was in that spiral of blame.

I cried …. I cried out of frustration, out of fear for our son’s future, for the life I thought we would’ve had… I cried for knowing better, for allowing this to happen, for the guilt and shame I felt “why has this happened after all the work I’ve done on myself….” “how much damage have I done to our connection?” “what will they believe about themselves after this tirade of crazy”...

And after I cried after I cleansed the bullshit thoughts away… once I calmed down I apologised to our middle daughter, (who always gives me such amazing wisdom)

“Mum, I knew it wasn’t you, I knew that is not who you are, I know you had, had enough and that it wasn’t us.”

“Mum I love you, it’s ok, you can have a rest tomorrow”...

Our 9 year old knew better than I did about what I needed to do, what I needed.

It took me ½ of Friday to become properly human again… some solitude on a lakefront walk, breathing, meditation and I was ready to stand up and face it all again.

I am grateful for these moments because it shows me the journey I’m on, it shows me my humanness and that I am a courageous, loving mumma with a lot to still work through. But that I still show up each day in love, with a smile and a huge open heart.

I’m right here with you beautiful hearts, I’m beside you on this rollercoaster ride.

#calmhappyhomelife

#vulurable

#consciousjourney

#alwayslearning

#alwaysgrowing

Living with Dyslexia - An Adults view

How old were you when you were diagnosed?

I was about 8 years old

How did you parents know something was going on for you?

I was struggling at school. My reading age was a few years behind what it should be but there were other area that I must have been doing well in. My Dad is also dyslexic, although he didn’t know it when he was at school. I was very unhappy. I have a distinct memory of being in primary school, not sure what year it was, but feeling totally confused how my classmates seemed to understand how to work out the maths problems that were on the board. I genuinely was confused, and that is a horrible feeling. I hadn’t missed any school, and I was a quiet child that payed attention. What ever had been taught in class just hadn’t gone in! It felt isolating.

What interventions/therapy did you have?

I had a test at school. I remember a nice lady came to talk to me and we played some games. It turns out they were IQ games etc. She concluded that I was intelligent, which was a huge contrast to my reading age at the time. I went to a special school a few afternoon or mornings a week. It was to help children like me and I loved it there. They had super small classes, so a lot of thing were taught one on one and a quiet setting. It was like I just needed to be shown how to work out the letter sounds and how they work together to make a word in a different way than I must have been taught in normal school. I had test on left brain right brain dominance and eye tested etc. Not sure what the out come of that was!

Do you have any siblings? and If so do they have a learning difference of any description too?

Yes, I am the oldest and I have a sister and brother. They don’t have any official diagnosis like I had, but my mum is convinced that they have an element of dyslexia.

What do you believe is the biggest gift about having dyslexia?

I think my empathy for people and patience has come from not finding thing easy at school. I think I have good problem-solving skills. When you find thing hard you get good of finding another way to do thing! I think it has also led me to really take a look at my nature and understand my strengths and the things that I need to work at. I am an introvert and knowing that, I can look back and understand why some thing were so much harder.

In what ways has dyslexia held you back?

The biggest way I think having dyslexia has held me back is the confidence I lost in myself and in my ability. It’s something that I still struggle with. And I know a lot of people struggle with that, and they don’t have a learning problem, but as a child I felt so stupid. It’s so awful to not only think you are stupid but know you are stupid. I remember feeling sorry for anyone that ever gave me a job because there would be people that could do it so much better than me! Thankfully I don’t think that anymore, and I focus on my strengths now.

What support do you wish you had've had growing up with dyslexia?

I think I was very lucky to have had the help I did. And it really did make a difference to my learning. My parents did the best they could and always encouraged me to just do my best, and as long as I worked hard then that was all that mattered. I was very introverted and painfully shy so I do wish I had been encouraged to play a team sport or something to help with my people skills, but I can see that my parents would have found that hard to push me to do something outside my comfort zone when it was already try so hard to keep up at school etc. I think I would have love forest school!

What do you wish people knew about dyslexia?

I am finding it really interesting reading new reports on dyslexia and love that it is being recognised as being someone that just learns in a different way and has different skills that don’t always how themselves in the classroom. I think the main thing is we all learn differently, we all have different skills, different strengths and weaknesses. That’s why we all need to work together in life. I think that problem solving and people skills are just as important as spelling. I can’t spell to save my life, but I do like writing my thoughts out and taking the time to consider what I want to say.

Thanks to Tracy for her time in helping others understand xx

If you would like help in better understanding your Dyslexic child book a call with me

Kylie Johnston is a Parent and Teacher Coach with a Passion for supporting you to better understand the children in your life.

“ I love helping parents to have a calmer, happier home life, where you and your kids listen to each other, where there is more cooperation, you feel energised to spend time with your kids and know how to help them gain resilience. I have a particular alignment to families who have at least one ‘Out of the Box’ thinker... ”

— Kylie Johnston

It’s time to look past the behaviour

“The behaviours are never really the problem. The behaviours are the result of the problem, which is why behaviour management just isn’t cutting it. Understanding our child’s brain, how it works and how to care for it is the ONLY way to make real behavioural change.”

— Allison Davies

Let me paint a scene for you … I’m sure it’s one you’ll all be familiar with, I can guarantee that every single parent has been here. Your child is having a full-blown meltdown. Something has happened and they’re a screaming, crying mess. Maybe they’re throwing things or lashing out at you. Maybe they’re screaming hysterically and maybe they’re telling you that they hate you. But what if I told you that your child’s behaviour is not the thing to focus on in these moments? It’s time to look past the behaviour and labelling our children as “naughty” or “non-compliant” and support them to really understand what’s causing them to act out in this way.

Behaviour is a form of communication. When our child is bringing a big behaviour to us, they’re trying to tell us about a need that hasn’t been met. If we only look at the behaviour being exhibited, we’ll miss what they’re really trying to tell us because what we see is roughly only 10 percent of what’s actually going on for them, a bit like an iceberg.

 Underneath all feelings are a set of beliefs… 

“Beliefs about oneself, others or the world/life can either be limiting or supportive. Every feeling that your child has comes from:

1. An attempt to get a basic need met, or

2. a core belief about whether that human need will be met or not.”

— Jolette Jai, Founder of The Jai Institute for Parenting

Maybe your child doesn’t understand what’s expected of them, or feels like their opinion doesn’t matter or wasn’t heard. It could be that they don’t feel safe for a number of reasons.  Maybe they don’t feel understood, appreciated or that they belong. Instead of distracting your child from these emotions, we need to start to give them to space to freely express them; to allow them to be in touch with who they are and what they need.

There’s a saying that goes “love them when they least deserve it for that’s when they need it the most” which is so apt in these situations. It’s easy to meet their energy with our own heightened emotions, to get angry or stressed because we don’t have time for a meltdown, embarrassed (especially if you’re in a public setting when a meltdown happens), or feel defeated because you’ve tried everything and don’t know what else to do. For parents of neuro-diverse children who may experience multiple meltdowns a day, it can be soul destroying. But reacting in these ways just puts fuel on the fire.

There have been many times that i have (and still do), feel ashamed and embarrassed by our autistic son’s behaviour, feeling alone in helping him, sometimes the professionals don’t even know what to do… so when that happens for me i know i need to support him in moving him away from the situation  he's in, give him space to come back on line (and me too), i need to take the time to truly hear him…

  I follow the steps of active compassionate listening.

“1.       Listen intently. (Show your interest in what your child is telling you, even if you don’t agree).

2.       Refrain from interrupting. (This can be very hard to do. A tip I give my parent coaching clients is to place your tongue behind your teeth and hold if need be).

3.       Refrain from judgement. (It can show on your face or be heard in your tone of voice).

4.       Refrain from comparing yourself to others.  (We get a sense of comradeship when we say “oh yes that’s happened to me too, but what happens instead is that we take away from their experience of what they are feeling).   ”

 Debbie Reber, author of the book Differently Wired points out that what’s needed is for the parent to look at the situation from a place of ‘what is this child struggling with right now?’ and think about what they can do to support that child through it. “They can be supportive so their child doesn’t feel abandoned, but at the same time, not take their child’s energy on.” Make a decision to respond to your child instead of reacting to them. I know, it’s easy to say but it's so very hard to do in the moment!

Try instead to take a deep breath and see if responding in the one of the following ways helps:

• Get down to their level. When we lower ourselves down to their level it helps to calm everything for a child in a state of overwhelm.

• Recognise and acknowledge their experience with calm, soothing words like “It’s ok to feel this way” or  “We’ll figure it out” or “i’m here when you're ready”.

• Repeat back to them with complete sincerity what they’re expressing to you. This helps to validate their feelings and make them feel heard and respected.

• Do they need to remove themselves to calm down? Some children need to find their own space away from sensory overload. - We call this a ‘safe space’ and they are especially important at school.

• And finally, listen intently and silently.

“The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.”

— Alfred Brendel

If you’re feeling in anyway overwhelmed by your children's big emotions and needing support in understanding what the behaviours mean, please do reach out to me for support, being a emotional needs detective is my superpower.

Transformational Journalling

Things to have handy…

• Your journal and some loose paper,

• Coloured pens/pencils,

• A pen and pencil close by

Inspired by the work of Suzi Lula, Transformational Coach and Self Care leader (find out more about her here)

1.    Set your intention

Maybe your intention is to release feelings, maybe you want to come away feeling clearer on something, refreshed, allow insight into something, if it helps, close down your eyes, focus on your breath, slow down your breathing and allow your heart space to open, feel into what the intention is, often it’s the first thought that comes to mind.

2.   Give Yourself a voice

Using loose leaf paper, allow yourself to be heard.

In a nonlinear way, give yourself full permission to express all of your feelings, knowing that you will immediately tear it up into tiny piece and throw it away, that no one will read it, not even YOU!

• Write and write. Scribble. It doesn’t need to be legible. Your mind and heart will be far ahead of your hand. You won’t be able to keep up, it will at times become a line across the page

• Write until you feel complete, it could be that you use:

  •  Free Form Writing

  • Non Dominant Handwriting

  • Dialogue / Gestalt

3.   Thank yourself and then tear up the paper

Thank the part of you that shared. Being Grateful for the relationship you have with your inner self...

• Tear up paper into tiny pieces and throw it away right away or burn it

4.   Sit in heartfelt silence

Place your hand on your heart, breathe into your heart space and thank yourself for sharing. Acknowledge and appreciate yourself. Allow yourself to feel what is coming up for you.

5.   Offer yourself insight

Ask yourself what insight, message, realisation, revelation is here for you. Simply listen. Nothing might come at first. It may take many times of writing. the process isn’t linear. You might receive an answer later in the day when you aren’t thinking about it. You might receive something right away.

• The insight might also come in the form of a picture, words, quotes or inspiration.

6.   Raise your vibration

Sit with the different energetic vibration and

• Write the insight in your journal. The insight is of a higher vibration than the initial issue had. THIS is the point of Transformational journaling. To lift your vibration and have it aligned with Universal Truth, not by denial, spiritually by-passing, intellectual reasoning, but by truly PROCESSING … untangling, releasing and receiving INSIGHT.

**********

AND when you go back and reread your JOURNAL, it becomes a SPIRITUAL BIBLE, a PERSONAL WISDOM BOOK filled with “your” insights, messages, inspiration. It doesn’t by pass the shadow. It shows the shadow transformed and you keep with you the higher vibration.

JUST by looking back over the pages, your body will remember the high vibration and it will serve to lift you up in the moment so powerfully.

Each step is important.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNALING INCLUDES:

•    Intention Setting

•    Free Form Writing

•    Non Dominant Handwriting

•    Dialogue / Gestalt

•    Insights

•    Self-Expression

•    Celebration

•    Acknowledgement

•    Appreciation

•    Gratitude

•    Art, pictures, colors

•    Quotes, Inspiration

Kylie

Caring for the caregiver: Essential self-care for parents and caregivers

“Your transformation begins when you consciously change your motherhood paradigm from self-sacrifice to self-care.” Suzi Lula (Spiritual Counsellor)

We’ve all heard the safety message when we fly on a plane … “In an emergency, an oxygen mask will fall, please attach your own mask before looking after those travelling with you”. The theory is great, of course, we need to ensure we’ve got oxygen in order to help others. But that message doesn’t seem to translate into our day-to-day life. So many parents, especially those with children with extra needs, are starving themselves of oxygen while making sure the needs of everyone else around them are met. They’re offering kindness to others, but not offering it to themselves. We’re parenting in a culture that encourages and expects parents, particularly mothers, to put others’ needs ahead of their own and so many of us are exhausted and overwhelmed by the daily juggle of work, life and families. And if heaven forbid, you do something for yourself, well that’s just selfish.

When we first had our children, I threw myself into everything I thought I ‘should’ be doing. I volunteered for local parenting groups, was on the school PTA, was helping my husband run his business and I even had my own small business. When two of our children were diagnosed with extra needs I just took it all on and expected that I could do it. It was all just part of the juggle of being a parent, right? I was often sandwiched in between two children with extremely high emotions and when our youngest daughter started school and I saw how easy it was for her compared to her two older siblings I hit rock bottom. I realised that I had depleted myself of energy by giving so much of myself to everyone else.

Why self-care?

“When your cup is full, you’ll be your best self: at your most calm, contented and happy. You’ll have the reserves of energy and love and patience you need to give generously to your little one.” Tui Fleming (Dear Mummy NZ)

Maybe I’m swimming against the tide of societies’ expectations, but I firmly believe that honouring our need for self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential. By taking care of ourselves we have so much more to give our children and those around us. Maybe society doesn’t hold it sacred enough, but it’s time to challenge ourselves to think differently about self-care, particularly for mothers. We need to move from where putting our own mask on first is a great idea, to where it’s a daily practice that helps us to thrive as parents, friends, partners and workmates.

The day I hit rock bottom was the day I decided to be kind to myself. I asked myself how everything I was doing was actually serving me. Was it building me up? Was it sucking my energy? I decided to make sure that I’m well taken care of so that my incredible humans get the best of me – not the tired, worn down, exhausted me that arrived at situations in a state of depletion. I know that the better I take care of myself, the better I take care of those around me.

One of the biggest changes as a result of giving myself self-care is how I show up with the children. They haven’t changed, they still push the boundaries, fight with each other, do things I’ve asked them not to do … but I have changed and my response to them is dramatically different, rather than reacting... I come from a space of abundance - rather than fear or scarcity, I come with more patience, graciousness and joy. I see a child’s actions as what need they haven’t had met rather than focusing on their behaviour.  

What is (and isn’t) self-care?

“Self-care is the art and practice of nourishing our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body.” Suzi Lula

For many people the words “self-care” brings to mind things like getting a manicure, going to the dentist or doctor (something that mothers often neglect) or having your eyebrows shaped. Sure, that’s a type of self-care and they’re all important activities, but what we’re talking about here is activities you consciously choose to do to feed your soul. It’s about giving yourself permission to have time and space with the intention to refuel you, time to help you find what’s truly important to you, honour your feelings and emotions and treat yourself with kindness. It’s about finding ways to fill your own cup to overflowing.   

So, what can you give yourself permission for today? Time for you? Exercise? Quiet? Journaling? A walk in nature? Take a moment to recognise what it is you need today and give yourself permission to receive it.

How do I start?

“The steps don’t have to be large, they just need to come first”. Suzi Lula

A couple of months ago I interviewed Suzi Lula about self-care and how we can implement it into our day-to-day. She suggested starting small so that self-care doesn’t become something burdensome that you feel like you need to add into your already busy day. You want to begin by asking yourself what you need today. It could be something as simple as having flowers on your desk at work, lighting a candle, being conscious of what music you’re playing. They’re all simple tasks but ones that connect with what “feeds” you, what builds you up. If you piece them all together you’ll find you feel a difference. You can listen to the full interview with Suzi here: www.heartcentredparenting.com/blog/2018/7/13/interview-with-suzi-lula

Listen to your body and learn what your needs are and how to fill them. I tried all sorts of things when I started out.

• I realised I don’t always like a guided meditation because sometimes I just need my thoughts and feelings to find their own way.

• I walk barefoot each day on the grass.

• I’ve always loved water so if I need to release big emotions I take a long shower.

• I do a meditation when I wake up each morning.

• I continually return to my breath throughout the day.

• I journal at the end of the day with a gratitude practice and if anything big pops up I do transformational journaling. I recently wrote a step-by-step guide on how to do transformational journaling which you can read here: www.heartcentredparenting.com/transformational-journalling

A practice of gratitude is such divine self-care and will help you gain more awareness around your needs, your feelings and the awesome things that are happening within your days. In your journal, each night write down 2 – 3 things you’re grateful for; 2 – 3 feelings that came up for you throughout the day and the needs behind those feelings.

I have several brief mindfulness meditations available on my website that you might like to try. You can find them here: www.heartcentredparenting.com/meditation/

What’s standing in your way?

I can hear you now, “that sounds great, Kylie but I just don’t have time”. Suzi explains it like this:

“I can’t encourage you enough, that even when you believe that there isn’t enough time for you to work out … dare to work out anyway. You will prove to yourself that there is, indeed, more than enough. We forget about all our “to do’s” and how little time we have because we are immersed in something that enlivens us, lights us up from the inside out.”

So, today remember to pause, breathe and give yourself permission to make yourself a priority.  

Kylie

Sarah Watson - Clinical Psychologist

Join me as I talk to Sarah about PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance. Teachers and Parents will learn how to best support children in the classroom/home environment.

To learn more about Sarah, Jamie or their work visit https://www.psyched.org.nz/meet-our-team/

Sarah Peck - Dietician/Selfcare Nutritionist

Join Sarah and I as we discuss body kindness, how social media affects our body image, raising body aware children, food anxiety in children with learning differences.

Interview with Cat from Getting Lost

Such an honour to interview Cat about her and James's new baby - The Getting Lost game... a great way to explore New Zealand xox 

When what you expect isn’t what you get

Rhys and I often shake our heads when we think about our pre-child expectations for our future children. Like most soon-to-be-parents we wondered about what our child was going to do and who they were going to be. We learnt very quickly that one of the problems with our expectations is that we often expect our children to be different from who they are.

From the moment he was born, we knew our son was going to think outside the box. His development was ahead of what was expected – he rolled the day he turned three months, crawled at five months and walked before he was one. We were the family at coffee group with the kid climbing trees all the time, the kid that others warned their child to watch out for. There were a couple of times when he was at kindy where I wondered if what he was doing was “normal”. We started noticing that he went through phases where he was fixated on one thing – he used to wear his Spiderman suit every day and I would have to peel it off him at night to wash it ready for the next day. I never really understood what was going on or what we were doing “wrong”.

The wheels really fell off when he was in year three at school and we quickly realised there was something more happening for him. Not long after we discovered our eldest daughter had dyslexia with underlying auditory and sensory processing disorders. We went from being a “normal” family to one with two children with neuro-diversities. Accepting the as-is of our situation is not easy. I’m human after all, with different emotions that pop up throughout the day – frustration, sadness, guilt, questions of why me?, what can I do about this? … the list goes on. I’ve learned that resisting the way it is for us has proven to be a waste of vital energy that can be better put towards getting through the day. If you too are in this place I just want to say I get it! I hear you and the frustrations you speak of, I see you and all the time and effort you put into meeting the needs of your child(ren). I hold space for you as you mutter under your breath “it’s all too hard today”.

So how do you move forward into a place of acceptance and thriving as a family when your child isn’t what you were expecting?

1. Take care of yourself

You’ll know if you’ve been reading my blogs and following me on Facebook for a while that self-care is pretty high up on my list of priorities. By taking care of yourself you are in a much stronger position to be able to help your family. Suzi Lula is a spiritual coach, speaker, author and mentor who challenges us to think differently around self-care. I recently interviewed Suzi and she shared some of her tips for finding a self-care practice that works for you. As Suzi says in that interview, self-care is not only ok, it’s essential to take care of ourselves because by taking care of ourselves we have so much more to give to our children. And for parents with children with extra needs it’s even more important that we have a full, overflowing tank. You can watch my interview with Suzi here on my website or at www.heartcentredparenting.com/blog/2018/7/13/interview-with-suzi-lula

It’s so important to take care of our own needs and recognise our emotions. When the kids were first diagnosed Rhys and I felt a huge sense of shame and guilt. We questioned whether we had done something to cause it. We felt terrible that we didn’t realise sooner. We wallowed in self-pity for a little bit. It’s important not to supress what you’re feeling – don’t hide from your emotions or numb them. Let them be felt. Yes, it hurts but it’s worth it to go through your emotions and feelings and come out the other side no longer blaming and shaming yourself for things you can’t change. There are a lot of great resources that can help you work through the shame mindset and reframe it in a different way. Two resources I found really useful are Gifts of Imperfection and Daring  Greatly by best-selling author and professor Brene Brown  I also really found peace through my mindfulness process. You can find out more about this process on my website at www.heartcentredparenting.com/meditation

I am forever thankful for my conscious parenting journey. Without it I think I’d be a shell of myself.

2. Dealing with the judgment

I know what it’s like to be judged because your child doesn’t conform to “the norm”.  It can often be the comments made by those closest to us, people who are privy to the inner workings of our family, that hurt the most. And to them, their comments may be harmless or intended to be helpful, but their words can cut deep.

After our son’s diagnosis, we had a lot of comments said to us or behind our backs. I had to learn ways to understand how others were seeing it, to learn how to not take it personally.  For example, one time was at a friend’s place for dinner with a group of mums. I shared a story about how our son had become quite violent against his sisters. One of the mums said, “you told him he can’t do that, right?” I felt really hurt.  she knew our family well, had spent a lot of time in our home and with us and knew the practices we had in place… It was the first time I realised she was actually judging me, that she didn’t understand what it meant to have a child like ours and was resisting learning more about it...things really shifted in our relationship after that. I did a lot of internal, painful work to get to the realisation that I no longer wanted to surround myself with people who didn’t support me, who didn’t help hold me up or lift me higher, it was the beginning of aligning myself with like-minded people who build others up and hold space for each other. It’s hard enough having a child with extra needs without having people in your world, who aren’t open-minded or compassionate towards you.

Our parenting style was often called into question with some family members suggesting that the way we were raising our son was causing the issues. People often compared our son to our youngest, neuro-typical daughter. We regularly got comments like “she’s such a good girl, so sweet”, implying by omission that he wasn’t. When our son was diagnosed it took a few family members a long time to understand that it wasn’t something we were doing that was causing his behaviour but that we all needed to support him and put in place some structures to get by.  That instead of getting tougher with him, we need to offer him support in getting his needs met.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve had is that I’m not responsible for who my child will become. I am responsible for connection, for love and supporting their growth. That their success and perceived failures don’t define me.

3. Celebrate what your child has to offer

Your child is going to be who they’re going to be, no matter what you’re doing. Sure, you can support them and be alongside them for the journey but you can’t change the way they’re going to show up in the world. Let's look at the saying - “start looking at life as a glass half full”, I recently heard a Buddhist view on this saying… "the glass is neither half full or half empty, it is always full, ½ full of water and ½ full of air"… we need to continually adjust our mindset on things and find the lessons in the challenges. Yes, your child isn’t who you were expecting them to be, so rather than fighting it start looking for the benefits they bring, the unique way they look at the world, the ways they make a positive difference in your life. I guarantee you’ll soon realise that your child can teach you lessons that will make your relationship with them and others richer and deeper.

Try this exercise this week - in a journal write down each day, the things you appreciate and acknowledge as beautiful in your child(ren), write down what you’re grateful for, having them as your child… you will soon start to see the glorious ways they show up in the world…

For example Our middle daughter is here to teach me to slow down and enjoy each moment. She is a procrastinator and I have learned to put less into our day, give more notice before things need to happen and to breath more.

Our son is here to show me that not everyone shows love and emotion in words, that not everyone understands emotions and some need support to see another person’s views on things. He has opened me up to view the world very differently to how I did before he graced the Earth. I have huge empathy for others now, for how they see things and have had to learn that my way is not necessarily the only way or the right way.

And our youngest daughter is here to remind me of the joy and beauty of the world, she shows me how each moment is a new one and how to see the wonder of what is around me.

One of the greatest gifts I can give my children is the right to be authentically themselves because I’m not trying to make them anything other than who they truly are.

I’d love to help you start your journey to move past the place of guilt and shame that your child isn’t what you were expecting. You can find out more about how I can work with you on my website

www.heartcentredparenting.com/programmesoffered

Sending you love on your parenting journey,

Kylie

The Dragon Brothers - James Russell

James Russell talks about his books and #3 in the Dragon defenders is due out August 6th

htps://dragonbrothersbooks.com

Inside our family’s sibling relationships: Meeting all of our children’s needs

“To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.”

— Clara Ortega

We are a family of five – My husband Rhys, myself, a son and two daughters. Our children were born exactly 20 months apart from their older siblings and most of the time we do life well together with lots of fun and laughter. But it’s not always easy. Sibling relationships can be complicated at the best of times, however two of our children are neurodiverse, ‘out of the box’ thinkers, which has presented some extra challenges for our children’s sibling relationships.

It was our then 3-year-old son who first announced we were expecting the fifth member of our family. We had been sitting on the fence about having another baby and had even got a dog to see if that filled the gap in our family. Not long afterwards we were in the spa pool with the kids talking about who was in our family when our son pointed to my tummy and told us that there was a baby in there … and he was right (I did a pregnancy test the next day).

And it is our Our youngest daughter who is the most adaptable child you’ll ever meet,  because she’s had to be. From the minute she arrived she’s been taken here, there and everywhere; fitting her naps, feeds and playtime in around her two older siblings. As time went on and the older two children developed their “quirks” she had to adapt. She’s had to learn that sometimes we have to leave an event early, that there are places we can’t go, and that there are some things other families do that we just can’t.

A couple of few years ago, all three kids were keen to do a family fun run our school was a part of. We signed the family up and rocked up on the day ready to take part. The event started off fine, but a few minutes into it our son flipped out and wanted to go home. We tried to negotiate that one of us would take him home and the other would stay with the girls so that they could finish the race but he wasn’t having a bar of it and wanted everyone to go. Understandably the girls were upset because they were so keen to do the fun run, we were stuck in the middle of wanting to meet the needs of all of our children but our son wasn’t initially prepared to negotiate or compromise. In the end we helped calm him down and he sat out with me while the girls were able to get to the finish line with Rhys.

While our youngest is pretty easy going it’s totally understandable for her to feel that there’s an imbalance in the amount of time, attention and consideration given to one or the other of her siblings over her own,  due to their neuro differences, I want to share with you some of the ways we have approached this and what we have found works for us.

1. Developing tolerance through understanding

We have been super honest with all of our children about each other’s neuro-differences. We started talking about Aspergers and Dyslexia using language they’d understand, read books about it together and talked about how it can be different for each child. Now we don’t label it we just say that he’s seeing a situation differently to how you are right now, let’s just hear him out and let him explain it to us. Or she’s trying to understand what we’re asking of her, let’s just slow down for a minute and let her get a better understanding. Talking about it openly and honestly has helped to create more tolerance towards each other and helps each person in our house see each other’s point of view. 

2. Seeing things from each other’s perspectives

We have really spent a lot of time helping each of our children see things from every perspective. Our stating point has always been with their perspective, because if we don’t start there they’re not going to be prepared to look at things from another’s perspective. When they have a big emotion happening I sit with them silently, allowing them to experience it and work through it how they ned to. Being neutral and allowing them to express their feelings is hard and takes a lot of practice.  Once in a space of calm again, at an appropriate time, we talk about what lead up to that moment, what feelings and needs did we all miss and what could we all do next time to prevent it getting to that point.  We also talk about it from the other person’s perspective so they gain an understanding of empathy for others.

As with any siblings, they know each other’s “push points”, however they are getting more and more able to understand if they’re pushing the other too far and when to back off and leave each other alone. This comes one with age, and also with understanding each other.

3. A different way of doing things

It’s so important that we don’t let her feel that her needs are any less important than her siblings because that’s a sure-fire way to plant the seed of resentment.  Our family is a bit ‘out of the box’, so we have found different ways of doing things.

• Surround yourself with people who can help: Every so often one or both of the girls mention that they can’t go and do things they want because he doesn’t want to come. We make sure we have an awesome support network in place so that they can do the activities they love. Mcackenzie has got friends who whose families will take her with them when they go to places we can’t go, like the zoo or the Easter Show. My parents take her for the weekend every so often so she can do the things she likes to do without consideration of her siblings’ needs.  We are so grateful for our support network.

• It’s ok to do things apart:  There are times when we do family adventures all together, but there are times that If we want to do a family adventure we’ve learnt to split up and take the kids to do slightly different things. For example, if we go to a theme park our older two like to do extreme things while our youngest isn’t so keen. We don’t do loads of things together as a family unit and that works for us. Another example is that we’ve learnt that our son can’t be at the girls’ birthday parties, it just doesn’t work - he can’t handle it when there are too many people around and when it’s not about him – we learnt that the hard way. So, he either goes to a friends’ house or one of us takes him to do something else.

• One-on-one time: We have date days or weekends where one of us takes one of the children to do something special just with them. Rhys has taken them on overnight camping trips, or I might take one of the girls to get our nails done or any of them to the movies or an activity of their choice. We rotate whose turn it is and which parent does it.

• Being clear and fair: Friday nights are movie nights in our house. We have set a schedule so that each child gets the opportunity to pick a movie and everyone has to watches  it.

The last thing I wanted to touch on was the guilt that many parents feel about the amount of time, effort and attention going towards one child. I have had ups and downs about feeling guilty about my eldest two children getting more of my time and attention. I’ve become really good at recognising each child’s specific needs and making sure that they get what they need in that moment. My guilt often relates to making sure I was getting enough one-on-one time with each of them so we make it a priority. We also make it a priority to ensure our youngest daughter gets to do “normal” childhood stuff that she’s so desperate for,  as often as possible.

I became a parent coach to help support families, especially ones like ours who have “out-of-the-box” thinkers. I would love to help your family gain a deeper connection with each other and work through ways that you and your children can stop and actually hear what the other person is saying and see it from their point of view. If you would like to find out more about how to achieve family harmony check out my website www.heartcentredparenting.com and see how I can help your family.

Sending you love on your parenting journey,

Kylie

xx

Interview with Andrew Newman

Andrew Newman is the creator of The Conscious Bedtime Stories, check out his website here   We discuss the imporatnce of connection at bedtime and he reads us 'The Hug Factory', what a treat!

Interview with Suzi Lula

Suzi Lula is a transformational leader, spiritual coach, speaker, author, mentor - Check out Suzi's work here 

Being the calm in the storm: Learning to calm yourself when triggered

As parents we can often  tend to bear the brunt of our child’s emotional and behaviour storms. It can be really difficult to remain calm during these moments. As a conscious parenting coach one of the biggest messages I share with parents is how to listen and simply be there when our children get upset. To model a calm approach. None of us do it perfectly all of the time, like any other family we still have moments of madness where I feel triggered. Let me share an example with you and then we can look at ways I have learned to calm myself during those moments.

The school holidays are a couple of days away. Admittedly it’s a short two-week break and it is the middle of winter, but I’m looking forward to it! I love school holidays. It’s fun having nowhere to be, no constraints and the chance to disconnect and have quality connection time as a family. Holidays work way better than normal days for our family – our son has Aspergers and Pathological Demand Avoidance and he likes the unstructured nature of holidays.  Also one of our daughters is dyslexic, with underlying sensory and auditory needs, she enjoys the amount of unstructured play she can do during holidays. Our youngest daughter is “neurotypical” and she is happy no matter what day it is.

Apart from our son, the rest of our family are really social people, we like to have people over which tends to happen more during the holidays. And that’s the rub. Because he’s not as tolerant with other people and it can be a juggling act to negotiate his needs around everyone else’s.

The upcoming holidays remind me of an emotional storm we weathered towards the end of the six-week summer holidays earlier this year. I had a few days that pushed me to the edge with our son. One day after listening to a the meditation I lost all sense of consciousness and something unworldly took over me. I totally lost it at our son. I hadn’t spoken to him like that since before I began my journey towards consciousness over two years ago. It was like a volcano exploded out of my body and spilt all over him. It was a tirade, an onslaught of nastiness and I couldn’t “control” it. I tried so hard to breath, to walk away, but I kept coming back again and again. Once I finally calmed down and came back and sat beside him I still couldn’t completely stop. I went on to explain to him that I’ve changed my entire life to meet his needs these past two years, to find a better way to support him and then apologised for lashing out at him like that, that I was completely overwhelmed in that moment and I could have found a better way. I fell asleep that night with a heavy heart and lots of guilt. Then later in the night he crept into my bed and lay beside me, he asked me to hug him and he told me he loved me. He hadn’t done that in years! That moment where he showed me his loving emotions (something that he doesn’t do) touched me deeply.

I am a continual work in progress! The good news is that by having awareness and choosing to look for growth in those moments, we are choosing to become better versions of ourselves.

1. Learn to recognise it building

Have you ever stopped to acknowledge how your body reacts when you get triggered? For me I feel it in my stomach, I get a hot sensation and it tightens. And I clench my fists. When I sense both of those things happening I realise I’m triggered by what’s happening around me. To bring myself back to calm I focus on my breathing. I start to notice thoughts coming into my head. I get curious about what my thoughts are, are they real?  or do I need to come back to the truth and what is actually real? By doing this I’m starting to create some distance from the moment and gain perspective.

Focusing on my breathing and thoughts (meditation) has really become a critical part of helping me remain calm and compassionate when I’m triggered. You don’t need to meditate in silence, you can do it anywhere, anytime and for however long you need. As you breathe, let go of everything that has happened and just be in the moment and focus on your breath. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them go.

You might like to watch my meditation video [link to: http://www.heartcentredparenting.com/meditation/ ] to learn how to calm yourself. Another resource you may find useful is my Mindfulness Booklet. You can request a copy here [link to: http://www.heartcentredparenting.com/request-mindfulness-booklet ]

2. Bring self-care back up to #1 position

The more I support parents on their conscious parenting journey the more I believe that self-care is so important. After the example I shared above, I really recognised that I hadn’t taken care of myself enough over the six-week holidays when all the children were at home. And as a result, I wasn’t able to meet my son’s needs as well as I could which resulted in the eruption at him. I had sacrificed myself on their behalf.

Self-care is important but it’s also hard. Many of the families I work with say that they feel selfish putting themselves first. I know where they’re coming from, I was there too! I realised that for the first five years of each of my children’s lives I put them first because they “needed mummy”. Actually, what I’ve learnt and seen in practice is that by taking care of myself I am far better to be able to take care of my family and be a happier and calmer person to be around. And most importantly I can role model self-worth to my children.  

Self-care gives you a little bit of time and space with the intention to refuel you. Promise yourself one hour a day if possible. I’ve found that meditation, journaling, time in nature, body nourishment and yoga help me find what’s truly important to me, make space for and honour my feelings and treat myself with kindness.

Internal care and recognising what’s happening for you is really essential, but it’s also good to feel good about yourself. So, make time occasionally for a massage, eyelash tint or some of the essential self-care things that you may have let slide since becoming a parent. I went to the dentist the other day for the first time in 10 years!

I talk a lot about self-care during my parent coaching sessions. If you’d like to find out more about self-care watch my video blog [link to: https://www.facebook.com/Heartcentredparenting/videos/580144519035433/ ]

3. Find value in those “fall-off-the-wagon” moments

Ok, so you may feel like you’ve fallen off the wagon but moments like this are sometimes just what we need to break us open and awaken us even further, for the light and wisdom to shine through. I felt so awful about what had happened and frustrated that I’d allowed myself to be triggered. I shared my experience with some friends and their responses helped me realise that there was actually value in that moment.

Focusing on the energy in the storm helped me find the lesson. Why did I feel like I was cracked open? What needed to come out that had been suppressedsupressed? What were my needs that weren’t getting addressed? In what ways was I putting myself last? What did I need?

They encouraged me to re-look at the situation and see that rather than break my connection with my son it actually allowed a deeper connection. My bare naked authentic frustrations and helplessness got through his shell and defences and he responded in a way he hadn’t for years. Sometimes when we crack open we trigger something in our kids as well. It can be so painful for us, but perhaps it’s what needed to occur in that moment.

4. Give Forgive yourself compassion

Be grateful that you recognised you were triggered and try to embrace and forgive yourself. Be loving and compassionate with yourself.

If you would like to find out more about how I can support you to remain the calm amongst your family’s storms I’d love to hear from you. You can book a complimentary discovery session [link to: http://www.heartcentredparenting.com/discovery-call-application ] or find out more about the programmes I offer [link to: https://www.heartcentredparenting.com/programmesoffered ] on my website https://www.heartcentredparenting.com

Sending you love on your parenting journey,

Kylie

Interview with Lysa Black - Intuative Healer

P.E.A.C.E

The PEACE proces, is a fabulous tool to use when there is a moment of madness with your child.  We will talk through the p,e a, c and e of peace and what they relate to... 

P - Pay Attention

E - Everyone’s feelings and needs

A - Allowing yourself empathy

C - Caring with empathy

E - Exploring a solution
 

 

P -  Pay Attention

So when we do this we look at what the situation is, we Observe it without placing judgement or evaluation on i, we don’t project our thoughts or fears onto our child - soooo hard to do right?  

Yeah...

We look at what may have happened in the moments leading up to now or what happened in the day for them leading up to this time?

For example, your child has just started school and finished their last day of school for the week, they suddenly have an epic meltdown because you’ve said they can’t play on the playground today, you need to get home.  

So lets pay attention to this:

he’s been at school all week,

• So he’s tired,
• he’s hungry, and
• you’ve been chatting to the other school parents for the past few minutes not really paying attention to him, while he was asking to go on the playground... or on a work call or any number of things that take our attention away from the moment - we’ve all been there.

The best ones are at the supermarket with all three kids in toe…

So if we find ourselves in a storm with our child, we 1stly observe - what may have lead to this moment… we observe without judgement or evaluation, without projecting our own ‘stuff’ onto our child.

But how do we get to here?

E – Everyone's feelings and needs.  

There are 6 core needs we all have:

Attention - to be seen

Affection - to feel loved

Appreciation - feeling valued

Acceptance - I am ok as i am

Autonomy - ‘go away, i’ve got this’

Connection - the sense of belonging

As we become more attuned to these we can become more aware of what our child might be feeling and needing in every situation.  

You could crouch down so you are at eye level and ask “help me to understand what’s going on for you” - when we move into a place of wonder, of curiosity it takes the judgement out of it.  

If they’re unable to express what it is, there are a few ways you can ask them what’s going on...

Let's take yesterday’s end of school example depending on what was going on you could say something like:
 

“I wonder if you’re feeling frustrated because I wasn’t listening to you when you asked if you could go onto the playground, is that right?”
Or  “I wonder if you are feeling mad because you want me to get off the phone so I can listen to you.  Is that right?”

“are you feeling frustrated because you’re hungry and I’m talking to cooper’s mum?”

Many examples here and you’ll intrinsically know the language that esonates with you and your child.

I ask if you’re willing for the rest of the week, to pause as often as you can for 5 seconds and sense what your feeling or needing, this will help you to understand your needs more.  So you are better able to meet those needs.

 

A allow yourself self-empathy.  

Some supportive thoughts you can have when you are having your own big emotions are “Wow, this is really hard”  or “this situation really sucks” “it was my boss on the phone and I’m on deadline!”

Part of giving empathy to yourself is being very honest with yourself about your feelings in that moment.  As we talked about last week they are probably not going to be thoughts or feelings that you want to act on or share with your child like  “what were you thinking?”, or “this kid is driving me nuts and I just want to get out of here”.

Don’t edit your thoughts or feelings here.  All are welcome and it's really important to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings about the situation - no matter what the situation is.  

If you judge or try to suppress your thoughts and feelings, they will just emerge later on in really unhealthy ways – it could be yelling, slamming doors, over indulging in vino or chocolate cake  
 

You need to find your way to reset your limbic system in these moment.  Like pressing your palm to the third eye, fingers to your temples, clenching your fists… stepping away for a minute or two, focusing on your breath.   take a few moments to offer yourself empathy, then you’ll be able to care with empathy for your child.

C care with empathy

Showing your child empathy and offering empathy to your child.  This is the core of the practice and can be introduced anywhere and everywhere throughout this PEACE tool.

Take a moment to imagine what life looks like from your child’s eyes.   Could you imagine being the age of your child and can you step back into the wonderment and newness of these moments that they are experiencing?

we’ve been here on earth longer than our child we can understand and guide them.  But they need to have their own experiences.

If we can understand where our child is really at - like what they are feeling and needing, if we can go underneath their behavior, become a bit of a detective and get curious on what it must be like for them in this very moment?

Then it will be much easier to Explore a solution together.

E Explore a solution together 

These are the concrete actions you would like to be taken.  Invite your child to explore a solution together with you.

If you have an outcome in mind already, then offer your child at least 2 choices around how to arrive at that outcome- the idea here is that your child feels involved in the solution, empowered by making a choice towards the outcome.  

9 times out of 10, we don’t even need to get to this point because things have resolved themselves, by offering empathy.

Most parents want to jump to find a solution to ‘Fix this’ but the solution can be found with both parent and child being given a voice – parenting with our children!

Visit my website to learn more about the courses I offer 

Your coach on your parenting/teaching journey

Kylie