“What is my ideal family environment?”
Such a hard question to try to answer. In this blog we will be going through a step-by-step process, exploring your feelings, beliefs, and values - by the end, you have a tool that you can immediately use, to help give your family a meaningful direction!
There are three steps to the process of discovering the Family Environment you desire:
Understanding the concept of choice
Getting clear on your “underlying value”
Aligning your daily life with this underlying value
Understanding the concept of Choice
‘Choosing’ is the most important activity of your mind, because by making a choice, you are proclaiming your desires to your subconscious mind.
“There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”
Once the subconscious mind gets to know your desires, it is going to do anything to manifest them in your life. The choices you make in your life become your goal. And, if you are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why you should not accomplish them.
Indecision, on the other hand, not only creates frustration and anxiety, but it can also confuse the subconscious mind about what you want.
It is important that the choices you make are made by you, in accordance with your desires, values, motivation, and abilities.
A lot of us let others make choices for us or make our choices according to what we think is ‘correct’, even if that means that we go against our wishes. What is right for someone else may not be right for you, and the way to know this is by listening to what your heart says.
So, to begin with, make a list of things that interest you; things which you have always enjoyed, which make you feel good, feel better, The things that inspire you to forge ahead, no matter what obstacles you face.
This is especially important if you are parenting neurodiverse kiddos. We tend to sacrifice for our children's needs, oftentimes sacrificing our own in the process. For now, take a moment now to reflect on the things that interest you…
Do you like doing something creative, or artistic?
Do you enjoy nature?
Do you like the sea/forest/lakes?
Do you enjoy helping others?
Do you get pleasure out of making a difference in other people’s life?
Whatever it is that interests you, write down the following things about them:
What things do you love to do?
What is it that you love about doing this thing, and why?
How could you do this thing as a family or as a parent/child combination, can you or is it solitary?
Getting Clear On Your Underlying Value
The next step is to examine the list you just made and find out if there is any recurring theme. Maybe, it is the ability to help others that keep coming up, or an ability to seek and give love to your kids, or helping your school at events, maybe it’s understanding other people’s needs, maybe it’s getting into and enjoying the present moment?
Whatever it is, try to identify the common theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and specific statement. This will be your ‘Value Statement’. It may even be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. Of course, as you grow and change, this statement could evolve, but its soul will remain the same.
Take a moment to write down your Value Statement.
“The greatest power we have is the power of choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous, instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.
”
Aligning Your LIFE With Your Underlying Value
The final step in this journey is to map your path to your ultimate family environment and to begin implementing changes that help to align your daily life with your underlying value.
By making these little changes in your lifestyle, you will start to be able to begin living this out each and every day. It might take a few days, weeks… by becoming aware and intentional of this underlying value of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole.
If you realise that you love being amidst nature, plan out a family holiday in nature. Maybe an outing with your children could be enough to reconnect your energy.
If you discover that you enjoy helping those in need, start to look for opportunities to volunteer in your community, with your children, offer support at the next PTA event, volunteer at a sausage sizzle, go to a retirement home and offer to play games with the residents.
On the other hand, you might even want to change your job or start a new business that is more in line with your families needs.
By following along with the steps outlined above, you begin to discover and live out your family values. Take the time to dive deeper.
And as you go through this process, just remember and remind your children…
“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously.” - Steve Maraboli