Fear gets to the best of us... fear of failure, fear of what if… even fear of fear itself.
All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a stumbling block that holds us back from enjoying certain experiences. It can be especially hard to watch our child fearful...
However fear can’t hold you back if you don’t let it and we can support our children to begin to realise this too... There are several ways to overcome fear, here are 9 that you can try today:
SEPARATE REALITY FROM PERCEPTION - Get them to ask themself what is really going on, locate the facts and place them over feelings. If it is a new place that the child hasn’t been to before, you can visit beforehand or show pictures of what it may look like or be like. You can talk through what they think it might be like and show them what it is like and what may be expected of them.
IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER - Figure out what it is in a situation that triggers them. Learning to identify it will help you and them to learn to combat it. Maybe it’s the number of people that will be there? The noise level? The unknown? whatever it is the following steps can help shift through the trigger.
KNOW WHERE FEAR LIVES IN YOUR BODY - A lot of times, fear takes over physically. It affects different people in different ways. Identify how it affects their physical body and do the work to help them take care of their body in those moments. Ex: if it’s that they hold their breath in these moments, learn how to breathe through things in a time of relax. If they get butterflies in their tummy as a first signal, help them find a way to feel through that… if the stress is felt in the back, there are stretches, foam rolling options, etc to help work through the pain.
PRACTICE GRATITUDE - Every day, or as often as possible, whether it be driving to school or home from school, whether it’s Sunday evening dinner or a moment together, speak about 1-3 things you are each thankful for. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, gratitude helps shift the mind into a positive light, which over time, overcomes fear.
LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE - Monitor your inner conversations. You can share with your children that if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths. This can be something our neurodiverse kids get into a cycle of… being quite hard on themselves, so helping them to become clear on their inner dialogue helps a lot and helping them view their strengths - finding ways they can expand these.
CREATE A NEW ASSOCIATION - Remind yourself that the feeling and the moment will pass. Focus on the positive outcome of the situation, rather than the scary in between. Reflection after an event can be really helpful, also prior to the next event reminding them of successful times of similar experiences.
LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL - Perception is a very powerful thing, and how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. To think positively is easier said than done… Because a mind-shift won’t happen overnight; so I offer for you to practice with just one thought. What is one recurring negative/fearful thought your child has? Help them to work on reversing this one thought. Over time, it can become a habit.
CALM YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM - Breathing helps center the body; when you stop breathing, your heart stops beating. You can encourage your child to do a grounding exercise like walking on the grass in bare feet (if they like the feeling), or just walk outside in nature… Even just take a few deep, long breaths at any point to calm and center themself. It is amazing to start the day with this, or practice at times throughout the day. You can also try pressure points on the temples or between the eyebrows, this really helps bring the body back to calm.
CREATE A SAFE SPACE - When you feel safe and secure, there is no room for fear. Find somewhere safe your child can retreat to when big feelings begin - whether this is a real place like their bedroom or a place in their mind that feels good to them like the beach or a forest. This sense of comfort will soothe their system and allow them to move through any fears from a calmer space (with help from you).
Please keep in mind, these are just 9 strategies, not everything works for everyone. This is a starting place. Start implementing these techniques into your child's daily life and hopefully you will find a shift in their approach to situations. It takes lots of practice and trial/error.